Brain Surgery and Psalm 91
No matter what I hear about the evils of social media, I enjoy participating in it. I have made online friends, who I know have grown to care about me, as I have grown to care about them. And I want you to know, every time a Facebook friend of mine hits the like button on a photo or an update I’ve written, it brings a smile to my face. I picture you sitting in the cheering section, rooting me on through the ups and downs in my life. It makes me feel like people care, and confirms they truly do. It may not mean much to everyone, but I have a feeling all of us can use a group hug now and then which those Facebook “likes” and “shares” provide.
The thought of needing a group hug brings me to a very important update. I have held onto some news since the beginning of October. You see, my daughter, Alia, was about to give birth, and I wanted nothing to mar her wonderful experience. But I knew that after my grandson was born, I would need to see her and share news that would cause her worry and pain. I also wanted to hold that precious baby boy. A part of me wondered if I would ever have the chance again. Even though I believe I will make it through the surgery, I cannot carry a small bag of groceries due to an old injury so I thought, “It’s now or maybe never.”
What I told her was this: On October 6th, I found out that the brain tumor removed in 2006 was growing back, at an alarming rate. It is underneath my brain, at the base, right next to my brain stem. For eight years, I’ve gotten annual MRI’s to make sure if this happened, it would not take me by surprise. But it has begun to grow again, and it’s an aggressive little booger. The only remedy is something I swore I would never have again! – surgery – another brain surgery. And it’s a very risky brain surgery .
After my last brain surgery the recovery was daunting and took a very long time. Left with the other choice (death), I have decided to do it again. But, this time, my neurosurgeon assures me, once this is done and I have some radiation, this will never happen again. “…many more years to enjoy your family,” he assured me over the phone. Well, I’m up for that.
I didn’t want to sugarcoat anything with a bunch of platitudes, but I also wanted my daughter to know that I believed, without a doubt, God was not taken by surprise. In fact, He has been actively comforting me in various ways ever since I found out. The day after I got the news, a very close friend called and told me to read Psalm 91.
The next night someone on my membership site, Platform University, told me he would be praying for me. He is a pediatrician who also happens to be a singer/songwriter. He said he hoped I would read a blog post he had written the day before. It was on Psalm 91. Not only was the post about Psalm 91, but also a video of him singing a song he wrote, titled “Refuge,” based on Psalm 91.
The following evening a very close online friend texted me the same psalm, Psalm 91, and she lives across the country. And, during that same night, I happened to be reading a book and what psalm do you think showed up within a few pages? Psalm 91!
If that wasn’t enough, the next day the mother of a client emailed me and said she wanted me to read Psalm 91. She wrote, “I was walking dowtown today and praying God would cover you with his feathers. Psalm 91:4, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” She continued, “I looked up and a small feather was literally floating in the air above me!”
A few evenings later, in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, I picked up a new book I’d bought. In the first couple of chapters, the author quoted a Psalm…you guessed it…Psalm 91. After I posted about my upcoming surgery to my Facebook page, a woman in England send me a Youtube video of a music group singing Psalm 91. I asked her why she sent it. She said that last year when she was facing a surgery, someone sent it to her and it help her. I have received Psalm 91 seven times so far! My heart is filled with such comfort and peace; a peace that flies in the face of reason, considering what I am going through.
But, I have hope. God has never forsaken me…ever. And, it hasn’t crossed my mind at all that He will forsake me now. I don’t know the outcome of my surgery, but He does. No matter what happens, He’ll be there with me through it all. I know that he is in complete control of my life and of everything that happens to me. He will use every pain, every tear, every trial for my good and his glory.
And I have hope that with better preparation my recovery will not take as long as it did last time. I have hope that this event will have meaning, and my life will take a positive turn I did not expect. I pray God will use my life for His glory and I will still accomplish many things for Him, because for me, that’s all that matters.
I ask for your prayers, those who pray, specifically that the Lord will protect my sight, my hearing (I lost the hearing in one side last surgery) and my ability to smile, to radiate His joy.
A Scripture verse has been filling my thoughts the last couple of weeks. “I may be somewhat perplexed, but I am not in despair.”
Paul of Tarsus said it best:
II Corinthians 4: (8) We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. (9) We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. (10) Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies…
16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. (17) For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. (18) So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
The last time I underwent brain surgery, I wrote an article for the local newspaper about a couple who helped me at the Salt Lake City airport. I wrote it the day after I got home from the hospital. And, I have no doubt my love of writing will help me through the recovery period again this time – especially with folks like you to write for. Because of you, I never give up.
I would love it if you would hit the like button and let me know you have seen this post and that you will pray for me. And let me know if I can pray for you! I’ve got some time on my hands!
For those who would like to read Psalm 91, click the blue link: Psalm 91